Coeur qui soupire n'a pas ce qu'il desire
by Denyce
Summary: Fandom: Dark Angel Summary: Alec's put in a difficult situation as a result of Max's jealousy issues. Continues in parts 2-4. Mentions of non-con. Max has to face what she did and now has to get Alec home safely to Logan. Pairing: Alec/Logan, Max
1. Chapter 1

Coeur qui soupire n'a pas ce qu'il desire

_Coeur qui soupire n'a pas ce qu'il desire_

1/1

Alec paused mid-step and closed his eyes slowly before reopening them, swallowing his shock as he tried to digest what he just heard. "What?"

Exasperated, Max turned around, rolling her eyes as she did and hissed back at him between clenched teeth, "What what? You heard me."

Alec rocked on his feet and tilted his head. A small smile ghosted his lips because, seriously, he couldn't have heard correctly. Max had to be kidding, right? Alec laughed nervously as he asked, "Maxie, you're not serious?"

Max's lips tightened into a grime line. A deadpan stare followed and long seconds passed, confirming Alec's fear. "You can't expect me to…" he eyed the items in her hand like they were poison.

"Can and do," Max sniped back, thrusting the offending objects towards him. When Alec just stood there gaping at her she added, "I don't get it, what's the problem?"

"Problem?" Alec responded angrily. "The problem is you're expecting me to go in there…" His voice choked off and he gestured towards the bar with his chin.

Max crossed her arms impatiently, and patronizingly asked, "And?"

Open mouth, Alec just blinked, still not willing to believe Max would ask him to go in there. Not dressed like that wearing a _collar_.

"What? You're trained, right?" Her tone was nothing but condescending. From day one you've lorded that fact over my head; that you and the others stayed, were trained… That you were specially trained to handle _unconventional _challenges like this? Or is this too challenging for you?"

Alec just stood there swallowing, baffled by Max's attack.

Unable to stop herself Max just sneered, "Fine!" She reached into her pocket and pulled out her cell phone shoving it in Alec's face. "You tell him."

Alec just stared at the phone and slowly shook his head. He already knew Logan had been trying unsuccessfully for _months_ to make contact and collect critical data from this particular informant. He hated the thought of going in there alone and unattached, wearing an inhibitor ID collar that not only signified him as an X5, but also fucked with his genetic code. Though he couldn't let Logan down. This was too important.

He batted the offered phone away from his face and looked towards his intended destination. The building itself appeared harmless. Not that you could tell from the outside, but the club stood one floor below ground level, undetected behind a plain unmarked door; an old school SM fetish leather gay club.

Resigned to his decision, Alec slowly took off his jacket and gloves. He knew Max expected him to walk in there wearing only that tee she had brought with them, his jeans, and that damn collar. He was more than a little irked. What should have been a simple covert job to collect Intel instead had him going undercover showcasing his attributes; the least she could have done was share what the hell her plan was in the first place—give him some time to come up with alternative. Sadly, he had to concede that was probably the point.

Alec knew how it was. He was the reason Max and Logan weren't together. Not intentionally, of course, because he had just been following orders. If Manticore had ordered him to out-right kill Logan he would have. Hell, he was gonna put Logan out of his misery before Asha stopped him. No, Manticore's alternative to directly killing Logan, had been to order him to get Max to go after Logan, where she'd unknowingly exposed him with the retrovirus they had injected and coded into her DNA. Thankfully Logan didn't die and eventually, to a degree, both had forgiven him for his part, putting the blame on Manticore where it belonged. Though it didn't change the simple fact that Logan loved Max and Max loved Logan, and if the retrovirus wasn't in place Alec never would have had a chance with Logan.

In the beginning, he and Logan had been nothing more than somewhat reluctant associates, more or less forced to work together against Manticore with Max as a hesitant mediator. As time and circumstances changed he and Logan became friends and then gradually, their relationship turned into something more.

It wasn't exactly easy, but both swiftly recognized that they were involved in something that was a hell of a lot more than just getting busy as 'fuck buddies'. Not that they had any long drawn out discussions, because they didn't, but one night instead of taking off in the early predawn, Alec had slept cocooned within Logan's warmth and that had turned into a morning of lounging in bed, both too tired to do more then enjoy the body next to them. It soon led to another then another and before long Alec was openly living at Logan's.

Although none of them ever discussed it, Max clearly had issues with the situation. Not that she ever did or said anything in front of Logan. Yet when it was just the two of them or when they were out in the field, Max had a way of needling him—lately more so than usual.

He took most of it in stride. Simple fact was, Alec knew she still loved Logan, and for that matter, Logan still loved her, just they couldn't be together. Even within the space of Max's three heat cycles and Logan's two failed relationships before Alec—Max and Logan still maintained a close friendship. But as his relationship with Logan had changed from friends to sex partners to something more, as their relationship had changed, Max had changed, and distanced herself away from everyone. Even now, Alec knew Logan still missed and longed for the space Max had vacated. Truth was Logan wasn't the only one; Alec missed the fierce snarkiness that was Max, the person he initially met, the one he grew to care about, respect, the one who introduced him to the concept of what a 'real' family was. However the Max standing here waiting impatiently for him, this wasn't that Max. This Max was unrelenting, cold, and distant—not his Max at all.

Without further preamble, he pulled off his own tee and snatched the one Max was holding. Trying not to think as he struggled to stretch it out enough to get it on. When he finally got it over his shoulders and pulled it down he was dismayed to see where the ripped sleeveless tee stretched and stopped nearly at mid-drift, leaving his stomach bare. "Fuck is this yours?" Alec's fingers still gripped the bottom hem, pulling and stretching in an abortive attempt to cover the large gap of exposed skin.

Almost flippantly Max answered, "Not anymore." Steadily her hand stretched out holding the collar.

Alec glanced at it with disgust; he hated the damn things. Fortunately he knew what to expect since he had previously worn such a collar. Though he'd had no ill effects from the device, it didn't change his utter repulsion. Snatching it out of Max's hand, he examined the setting.

The collar was one of several concessions written within Terminal City's treaty. Government, backed by the general public, had deemed their bar codes too easy to hide. Their acceptable alternative had been the collar, a device made specifically for Manticore's X series. Not only did it identify someone as an X series, but it also locked into place for an extended length of time and was literally used as a visible, acceptable legal pass anywhere outside of Terminal City. The intention was to warn ordinaries of their presence, but the collar also inhibited an X's abilities and strength—basically to quietly encourage all Manticore freaks to stay within Terminal City's walls that now bordered the city. Ironically it was the anomalies that had more freedom; their presence outside TC was tolerated for short periods of time due to the fact that they couldn't hide their features. Meaning they were not required to wear collars as they were easily identifiable within the regular public population.

Each device had various time settings unless one wanted to petition for lifeship—a process which, if granted, allowed a designated X series to receive a very surgical permanent collar with no time settings. Four years later, and still no one had ever petitioned for one.

The lowest setting on the collar Max had handed Alec was for forty-eight hours. Silently he cursed her. There was no point arguing, or asking why. He got it, even if she didn't. Max was jealous and angry. He wasn't a throw away like the others Logan had been with. He was the only one to actually move in and stay longer than a weekend, an X-5, an every-day reminder of what she'd lost, of what she'd never had with Logan. It was clear she'd set him up. This whole thing was to somehow humiliate him, make him reliant on her. Unfortunately, it didn't change the fact within that club was a chance to retrieve vital information—information Logan had been trying for months to obtain.

Still, Alec hesitated before clasping the collar in place. He caught Max's gaze with his own, his stare boring into her, trying to read her mind, to find the Max he remembered. Unable to find a shed of comfort there he tentatively asked, "You won't leave me?"

Though Max's eyes widened in shock, Alec didn't back down. His unconditional trust was for a Max that wasn't here—this Max didn't invoke the same loyalty or confidence.

Silence stretched, the implication clear, Max only nodded.

Alec sighed, closing his eyes. He wasn't exactly satisfied, but he was unable to do anything about it without abandoning the mission and hightailing it out of there. For Logan he wasn't about to do that. Nearly holding his breath he placed the metal collar around his neck.

A soft click echoed as the collar locked in place. Beneath his lashes, reflected in Max's eyes, Alec could see the red light blinking, indicating the collars' internal clock and inhibitor pulse had started.

Fingers itched to rip the damn thing off, instead he curled his hands into fists at his side.

Inhaling, one then two deep breathes before his shook his hands loose, relaxing his entire body as he did. Relaying on a lifetime of old techniques, training he had received from Manticore to get into character.

Twenty, thirty seconds later he was ready, without a word Alec turned and started walking toward the club.

Half way there he almost stumbled as Max desperately called out, "I won't, …I won't leave you."

Hesitantly Alec stilled, then cracked his neck to one side then the other before he took another step—ready for the battle. It was the only way he could move forward, to go beyond just strategizing about what he might have to do once he was inside—to not think about Logan or what he might think or say once he found out.

Max was right about one thing; he was specially trained and did handle _unconventional _challenges like this. She just didn't know how specific and how specialized Manticore had trained him.

He only hoped she'd never find out.

FiN


	2. Chapter 2

"_Won't leave you… didn't…_" Disjoined and nearly breathless, the words hung in the air, mumbled in an endless loop that faded in and out. At some point it finally dawned on Alec that it wasn't the words fading in and out; he was fading in and out of consciousness.

He was moving, and with each jolt his body screamed in intense pain. If he could, he'd stay unconscious.

On instinct, Alec tried to switched gears and assess the given situation. Swallowing through his pain, he struggled to use the techniques Manticore had drummed into him.

Forcibly he tried to open his eyes. Only one cooperated, a small sliver just enough to see, the other remained swollen shut. It was just enough to take in his surroundings as he realized he was outside, and that it was Max who was holding him up.

His arm was thrown over her shoulder where Max held on in a firm grip, and her other arm was wrapped securely around his waist, anchoring him. Still he felt his body falling forward in a dead weight, his length almost too much for the petite X5. Only her brute strength carried him on, his dragging feet offering no help as pain ricocheted throughout his body.

He was grateful it wasn't Manticore pain. No, the pain he felt was from the hands of ordinaries. He'd discovered the off-duty sector police after he entered the club. By then it'd been too late to do anything about it unless he abandoned the mission. He'd walked in willingly, collared, and suddenly he was nothing more than a walking present minus the bow. It was easy to see the grunts were frequent regulars at the club, there specifically to play elaborate power games, exuding their power over everyone else. He hadn't even made it more than two feet before he was surrounded, each man drooling in anticipation.

Alec turned around, eyeing each man up and down. Relying on the façade of his character—of someone who was obviously in search of a top, Alec judged them silently, his mouth quirked into a sneer. He shrugged his shoulders, affectively dismissing them before he forcibly pushed through the circle. Then he calmly made his way to the bar to wait for his contact.

Although it had happened only a few hours ago, already the details were skewed, bits seemingly out of place. Even the memories of when he actually made contact with the informant were hazy. How long had it been before the grunts had taken things into their own hands and cornered him unwillingly?

There was one moment that stood out—when he'd sat there at the bar, with the mirror behind it. It was a perfect spot for him to discretely scan the room before chancing a glance back toward the men who stood behind him. Six of them stood there, hunched together expectantly, openly leering after him. One caught him watching. Knowingly the stranger smiled; only there was no mirth or laughter in his eyes, just calculated cruelness. Unable to look away, Alec recognized the look. It was one that was shared with a few of Manticore's more expressive handlers.

Alec swallowed hard from the sudden threat of those memories. Memories he continuously fought against—his façade cracking as he silently longed for the safety of Logan's arms. Shamed by the need Alec forcibly turned away, reminding himself why he was here in the first place. Only to be distracted by the reflection of pulsating light on his collar. He tried to ignore it—instead he gave into the compulsion of his flawed human DNA, and stared at his reflection.

He shouldn't have been surprised; he knew what he looked like. He'd even seen himself with a collar before. But now, in this place, showcased in a ripped tee and confined within a collar that Max had handed to him, even his fucking long hair added to the picture. It created something he didn't want to see reflected back at him.

The cracks widened, hidden memories pushed at his consciousness. Of things he did. Of things he was trained to do. Of things he didn't want to remember. Especially now.

Mesmerized by the reflection, his eyes drifted toward the flashing light, confirming that the collar was firmly locked, leaving him weak and vulnerable.

After that there were only bits and pieces; his memory broken and fragmented—of rough hands and fingers all over his body, bruising. Of being over-powered and punched several times before he was subdued. Where hands dragged, braced and pulled his body in several directions at once. Of being shoved to his knees.

A sharp pain vibrated through his body, dragging him back to the present. Suddenly he was grateful for Max's stumble; the pain helped to keep here in the moment. Already he focused on locking those memories away, right along side Manticore's harsher disciplinary lessons; lessons and moments he was determined to keep buried.

Another stumble and his body shifted under Max's grip. In order to save him from falling face first into the ground she twisted, shoving him against the alley wall to readjust her hold. Unable to stop himself, Alec groaned from the impact before falling back into darkness.

*~*~*~

At the sound of Alec's guttural moan, Max frantically looked up, "Alec?…" Holding her breath, her fingers trembled, as she reached to gently lift his battered face. Swallowing hard she inspected every inch of Alec's blood torn, bruised face until she felt assure that through her stumbling she hadn't accidentally injured him any further.

Finally satisfied, she gingerly brushed hair off his forehead, blinking away tears, thankful that Alec was still unconscious.

Staring at him now she couldn't deny the heavy guilt she felt. She had waited over an hour after Alec's scheduled rendezvous with their informant—blatantly ignoring it when Alec didn't make a beeline out of the damn place. She knew something was wrong, and still she did nothing. But this… This wasn't what was supposed to happen—not what she wanted.

Her own voice accusingly asked, 'What the hell did _**you want, expect?**_ You sent him in there as bait to be used and tossed…' Suddenly she couldn't stop the tears because it was all true. She wanted Alec to be hurt, to be humiliated. She had even ignored Logan's initial instructions for the meet, and rearranged it to suit her needs. She never meant to actually endanger Alec, only humiliate him and Logan. She hated that they were together—the others before never mattered because Logan was still there for her. With Alec things had changed. Logan changed. His attention had shifted, he no longer had time for her, and when he did it involved Alec. Knowing they were together messed with her head. Even when she was alone with one of them, and it didn't matter which, even through the scent of clean skin from a shower, they always smelled like each other, which only deepened the hurt and the anger she felt. She hated Manticore; hated everything about them, especially after what they did to her and Logan. White was gone. She no longer had anyone to take the blunt of her pain for everything Manticore did. Only Alec, with his devil-may-care, nothing can hurt me attitude. He was easy to rage against, but not for the right reasons—there were no right reasons. And with Alec everything was magnified. It wasn't long before she stopped questioning why and just reacted.

The harsh breaths of pain coming from Alec tore through her heart. Somehow this was worse than taking Ben's life. Even if it nearly killed her to grant his last request, Ben had begged not to go back to Manticore.

_Alec didn't deserve this_. The thought cut through her. It wasn't like she was really ever with Logan. She'd blown what few chances they'd had, and the virus was still in affect. It still dictated their lives, forcibly keeping them apart.

She and Logan remained close. More than close, because even now she had no doubt that Logan loved her. Even if he had made room for Alec, she didn't doubt his love for her. But it wasn't enough, and it wasn't the same.

It didn't matter that she had been with other men first, or that two were not the result of going into heat, like the first time. Nor did it matter that one had lasted months that, they even lived together while Logan watched and supported her, was her friend throughout everything.

She hated that she felt needy—guilty that she wanted Logan for herself. The few flings he'd had she didn't mind, she understood. Understood the physical need of more than just your own hand, but she never contemplated he'd be with a man, or one that was an X5—or that that man would be Alec.

Even as she saw things go from playful flirtation, to all out slam-bam sex. She never considered it'd be more than that. But from the sidelines she saw the way Logan looked at Alec when Alec wasn't looking. How his eyes softened, how he smiled and laughed more, how he touched Alec.

In the beginning, they both seemed hyper aware of her presence. They acted guilty when they were caught too close within each other's personal space, or when they were caught touching. She never said much, how could she? So she smiled silently acknowledging their concern, but started to keep her distance from both of them.

It was shortly after that that they hooked up, still just one-night stands. Then one day Logan had cornered her—almost asking for her blessing. Not that he used those words, because he didn't. Actually, he didn't _ask_ her anything. He'd simply informed her that he was starting to have stronger feelings for Alec, that he wanted more from Alec and was going to pursue him. He wasn't going to waste time like he had in the past.

Waste time like he did with her. He didn't say it, but she knew that was exactly what he meant. They—_she_ had wasted a year of keeping him at a distance. Even when they had the opportunity, she had wasted that time and in return ended up with only a kiss. One fucking kiss. The blunt truth of the matter was, it wasn't Logan's fault, it was hers.

Even now she didn't have a single answer as to why she'd waited, why she'd kept Logan at a distance. There were too many reasons to boil it down to one. But whatever her reasons, Alec didn't share them.

In fact, Alec was the complete opposite of Max. Where she'd hesitated, he'd stepped forward and grabbed what he wanted. It was less than a week after that conversation that Alec started to spend the entire night, and shortly afterwards where Alec never left, and less than a month later Joshua was helping Alec move his things into Logan's place.

It hurt. Everything hurt. It left her feeling empty and alone. Like she'd felt right after escaping from Manticore all those years ago.

A soft whimper escaped from Alec, bring her focus back. Facing the realization of those actions and choices didn't change the truth of what she had done. She manipulated the situation for her own petty reasons, and Alec knew.

The walnut size lump in her throat grew as she recalled Alec's questioning stare. She remembered Logan mentioning about eyes being the mirror to one's soul. For the first time she understood what he meant as she stood there watching Alec's eyes turn from disbelief, to silent accusation, to acceptance.

At the time her heart had been pounding like she had just sprinted a 5k, her conscience prodding her to say something; that it was all a joke, or a test—anything to stop what she was doing, what she was _demanding_ of Alec. Thing was she didn't stop it. Not when he questioned her, not when his eyes flashed that he knew what she was doing, not when she handed him the rag she'd called a tee shirt. Not when she'd given him the damn collar or even when he saw the time indicator for how long he'd be helpless. She'd just stood there, inflexible, with a steady glare defying him each step. Extracting revenge dictated by her own jealousy.

At each step Alec accepted. With each acceptance Alec gave, her conscious tugged harder, sending warning signals that she was edging toward an abyss, about to lose something that was vitally important. She ignored it, purposely. Didn't listen and willingly crossed that invisible line.

Only now was she starting to get it, staring to understand the possible cost.

Her head and chest throbbed, as the painful realization dawned on her that once she got Alec to Logan's it was only going to get worse. That _Logan_ would know the full extent of her deception.

Max shook her head and swallowed hard as she adjusted her hold on Alec, trying to pull herself together so she could get Alec home to safety. With a new resolve she ducked her face in the crook of her arm to wipe her face and clear her vision. Her arms tightened around Alec's waist doing what she couldn't do for Ben.

She had somehow allowed herself to loose sight of what was important. Of what she had always held sacred above everything else, to protect her unit, her family — she'd willing pay for that mistake, but she'd be damned if she wouldn't do everything and anything to rectify it as well. She only hoped it wasn't too late.


	3. Chapter 3

Cell in hand, Logan flipped it open. His thumb hovered over the redial button as he held his breath —but then he flipped it shut.

Logan couldn't stop himself from glaring at the time- hoping it would display a different number. They should have called and checked in over three hours ago. Anxious with worry, Logan closed his eyes, inhaled then exhaled. The knots in his stomach tightened, he couldn't shake his feelings of dread. He forced himself to sit down, and he stared at his cell, willing it to ring. Logan swallowed hard, trying not to fill in the ever-expanding possibilities of _whys_ he hadn't heard from either of them.

His voice strained in desperation Logan demanded from his cell, "_Damn it_, **call me!**"

Opening it, his finger hovered, then impulsively hit redial. He suddenly held his breath as it started ringing on the other end. By the fifth ring it went to voicemail, just as it did the first three times he called.

Flipping the cell closed, the hollow trepidation in his gut solidified, knowing something had gone wrong – horribly wrong.

Standing again, Logan started to pace, forming a plan. He'd wait five more minutes to the top of the hour and then he'd call in the Marines- well, Asha and her crew. He'd pull in everyone he could to backtrack and find them. Logan shook his head, trying to understand what might have happened. It was supposed to be a relativity low-key mission: nearly routine, just a pick up and retrieve. The most difficult aspect was his informant wrangling the time and location. In the end, it was Logan who arranged the meet, choreographed the details—did he fuck up? Endanger them? Max? Alec? The club wasn't great, a seedy, hole-in-the-wall, S&M-wannabe be bar. He had gotten a pass through the back door for Alec to pose as an employee. Max would have to hang back. She was too recognizable as a X5 even without a collar, not to mention as a woman, since it was an all-male club. Alec would have the in, and could work the bar to wait for their skittish informant. It should have been an easy doable exchange. Alec should have only had to wait a short period of time before their mole arrived then for Alec to serve him a drink. A quick sleight of hand, then they should have gotten the hell out of there. If everything had gone according to plan, he'd now be plying Alec with food before Alec became _his_ main course.

Thinking of Alec, Logan's heart accelerated. There was no doubt he had fallen in love with Alec, he just hadn't known to what depth. He wasn't even sure when it happened. Initially it was Max, had always been Max.

From the moment he met her, she had more than intrigued him, everything from her stealth and flexibility to her intelligence, and street smarts. It was all contained within a beautiful package, attributes that didn't even scratch the surface of who she was. In the beginning, if nothing else, Max was a mystery, an enigma. The more he discovered about her past, about Manticore, the more he fell. As attractive as Max was, initially he had only wanted her help. After seeing her abilities in action what she possessed, what she was capable of doing, it outweighed everything else. The chance to really make a difference in helping others was too enticing. Then, after the accident where he got caught in the crossfire - that's when things changed. That's when he finally obtained her help, even though if he was honest she was doing it out of guilt. Not that it mattered at the time, after he weighed the big picture.

In fact, he egged her on, used it to his advantage. They bantered, played, and continued to flirt. No doubt, there was a physical attraction, had been from the beginning, but after the accident, he was the one who wouldn't let anything go beyond the teasing. He wanted it – her, the possibility of what they could be, enough that it influenced his decision about the surgery. Afterwards Max gave him her blood. It had saved him, and gave him back his life; ironically he could thank Manticore, because they created Max -X5s- as universal blood donors. It did more than save his life; it actually started to heal the nerve damage to his spine. The end result was, he started to have feeling within his limbs and to have real movements.

Max had made that happen. With time, their friendship grew and a bond started to form in which their flirting and playful banter turned heated and rife with meaning. The spatial distance between falling in love and actually being in love seemed non-existent with Max, and at the time, Logan believed the intensity of his feelings was mutual.

Logan couldn't deny that Max loved him, but in hindsight after the virus he discovered the harsh reality that Max's love - her understanding of love - was capped to a certain point. It was something he was blinded to and didn't recognize prior to the virus, even after they were forced to stay apart.

When it came to Max, everything about her and around her had colored his judgments. He had discovered the full depth of his feelings for Max when he had held her body and thought she had died in his arms.

She didn't die, but that didn't change the experience of how Max's presumed death had devastated his world. He had continued on, fighting the good fight. Trying to bring down the corrupt -Manticore- because that's who he was, but he was a hollow and empty shell of who he was before, of when Max stood there by his side.

When she came back, they only had a kiss before the virus kicked in and kept them apart. From there things spiraled into a painful longing. He ached with want – had thought she was just as distraught over the virus. That it explained her hostility toward Alec, her distance, and the pensive stares she'd throw his way - too often to count. Once he felt her heated gaze he'd look up to catch Max flustered where she'd mutter something along the lines of that she _had to blaze_ - leaving him alone only to guess what her feelings and thoughts were, and why they made her run off so quickly.

Logan thought he had her figured out, had even told her once, that when he first met her she had been _'…just looking out for herself. No responsibilities, no entanglements...'_ but he had mistakenly presumed his presence in her life had given her those entanglements. An anchor for friendship, connection, intimacy, love, and partnership- he had offered his heart, his hand, and his life to stand with her against Manticore. After her resurrection, he had believed, wanted to believe that her distance from him was because of the virus, because it was too painful and precariously dangerous to be around him.

That was something he believed for a long time, as things between them remained the same. There was no doubt they were close, had toughed things out, remained friends. At the end, when Terminal City was exposed, and transgenics were made public, they even started holding hands, making use of thin disposable latex gloves. He had thought it was a new beginning, that they were going to fight to be together. But later he realized it had been only been a claim of friendship.

That became clearer to him when Max went into heat. Ironically they had just entered into negotiations to keep TC, to turn the toxic hovel of a junkyard into a sanctuary for transgenics. Max's difficulties started shortly after talks were initiated, and true to her nature she started fighting against instinct. At the time, he had no idea why Max was fidgeting as badly as she was until after Alec arrived. It was easier to figure out when Alec zoned out, nearly drooling as he watched Max's every move before he made a hasty exist. Afterwards, Max gave in to her body's need and took the Mayor's aide to her bed.

When he remembers back to that day, though, it's only through hindsight that he actually connected the dots. Back then, on that particular day when she had gone into heat—he recalls the men Max eyed with undisguised interest, and it pained him when he wasn't among them. Though at the time he had dismissed it by telling himself that it was because of the virus, that Max wouldn't have allowed herself to go there.

Now though, even if Max doesn't want to face the truth, he suspects the reality was what Max instinctually already told him: that she was never as physically attracted to him as he was to her. In retrospect, he now believes Max had put him up on a pedestal, a treasured adolescent first-love – of what she believed, had daydreamed of and thought love was. Had idealized, wanted, and needed as a romantic first-love. He definitely wasn't the same person she picked to go rolling around with while she was in heat. What finalized it for him was overhearing Alec and Joshua who had unintentionally revealed the truth, as they discussed the merits of females in heat. What Logan discovered was that Max typically had gone into heat of 3 to 4 times a year, her cycle pushing to mate more if she fought against the biological urge.

They were never together during that first year, yet she opted to be intimate with other men over being with him, and somehow held on to the lie she told him, herself - that it was to keep him safe. There might have been some truth to that, Logan had no doubt he was special to Max, loved and cherished even. But what was also true was that Max's feelings, her level of commitment, just wasn't coming from the same place he was.

He never told her what he suspected; instead he allowed the virus to eclipse any chance of them being together. This time when they had their distance, Logan stopped creating excuses to see and be around Max. He didn't overtly ignore her, but at the same time he no longer went out of his way to see her as he had before. He needed time, to readjust and essentially mend his broken heart.

Whether Max suggested it or not, suddenly Alec became their go between. They weren't exactly friends, but they weren't enemies either. If nothing else Alec was jovial, animated, and compared to Max, extremely talkative. It didn't take long before he and Alec had settled into a routine, and were together shooting pool most evenings. After a short span of time Logan realized how much he enjoyed being around Alec – that at some point they had become friends.

However, with Max it soon became clear she had moved on, when after one of her heat cycles she kept seeing her partner, and she couldn't deny the fact when he actually moved in with her.

Outside of friendship, what had been between them hadn't been for a long time, though it didn't mean it hurt any less.

The weekend hadn't even started and Alec was there, offering to take him out; plying him with drinks, distracting him with the multitude of single women available. It worked; they bonded even further, solidifying their friendship. Logan couldn't stop the small grin from lifting the corners of his mouth at the memory, when he thought of Alec's magnanimous smile as Alec declared and took credit for the fact he got laid two weeks later.

Before that, he and Alec had spent a lot of time together, but afterwards they were nearly inseparable. Alec was intelligent, entertaining, curious, flirtatious, and all-in-all fun to be around. After months together, Logan found it odd, especially since they were all but joined to the hip, to find that Alec swung both ways. Not about Alec's sexual preferences, but just more to the fact that he didn't know. They had been going out playing pool, going to clubs for months, and not once did Alec show any indication that he'd be interested in anyone not of the female gender.

Logan never asked, and never questioned. Admittedly Logan was slow at making the connection, and it pains him to remember how many men Alec fooled around with before Logan bought the right vowel.

He should have seen it sooner - all of the men had similar physical characteristics and Logan's build - but he didn't. What cinched it was walking up behind Sketchy, who was watching Alec on the dance floor doing a dirty bump and grind with someone Sketchy had thought was him. Sketchy had even raised his glass and muttered a toast to them that it was _about fucking time_. After Sketchy swallowed and finally noticed him standing there, well, subtle wasn't one of Sketchy's best qualities. Sketchy's eyes bugged out as he darted them back and forth between him and the guy on the dance floor. It took Sketchy more than a minute to process that it was him standing there and that the one out there publicly dry-humping Alec was a double, a-Logan-a-like.

It was another long minute of awkwardness before Sketchy slinked away, leaving Logan to his thoughts.

It wasn't that Logan had never thought about it before – he had, Alec was too pretty to have never thought about - but up until that point he had never taken it beyond what it was, a fleeting fantasy. Even then he didn't actually go down that thought train until that first guy - after he had walked in the back to where the pool tables were only to witness Alec making out with a guy. Logan stood there in shock for several long moments before high-tailing it out of there. That night his fleeting fantasy exploded. In retrospect that was nothing compared to what he felt finding Alec with his doppelganger. The fact was, he should have known right-from-the-get-go, that Alec was interested in him.

It was on that night when things changed, and he finally made a move by cutting between them. Up close he could see his doppelganger was a dead ringer minus the glasses. Unfazed, almost jovial, Alec started to introduce him to the guy, something Denozo, Logan didn't care. He barely acknowledged the guy; instead Logan turned and cupped Alec's face, pulling him in for a deep heated kiss.

How long they stayed like that Logan couldn't say, but by the time they came up for air his doppelganger had gotten the hint and was gone. That was their first night together, a first of many. Initially they were close friends who, as Alec often said, _had hot monkey sex_. Logan doubts he had ever thought of Alec as only a fuck buddy or a friend with benefits, and if he did it was fleeting. The reality was, once they were together physically it didn't take long for Logan to realize he had crossed that line from friendship to being in love. With Alec, Logan had fallen hard, and where he wanted nothing more than to be with Alec all of the time.

Suddenly his cell rang out, breaking his train of thought. Logan's eyes drifted to his cell, and before it finished the second ring, Logan had it in his hand and flipped it open. "Alec?"

"Logan…" It was Max, her breathing labored. A cold, dread spread through Logan's body as he listened. "We're gonna need Carr, I need you to call him to meet us at your place."

Logan's heart accelerated as he silently repeated _his place_. "Max, where's Alec, is he…" he stumbled as the words lodged in his throat at the thought.

"Alec's hurt, we need a doctor, Carr."

Fearful and dazed, Logan could only ask, "The hospital?" He had been straining to hear Alec; instead he heard the audible sound of Max swallowing. Even through the phone Logan felt the tension, heard Max's voice quiver almost childlike when she spoke. "Can't, he's locked in a collar… I'm so sorry Logan, I…"

Logan blanked out; he couldn't have heard correctly, a collar, Alec? Logan's mind was spinning, as he could hear Max's choked apologies… his breath halted as he repeated, _Why, why would Max apologize?_ It didn't make sense… none of it did. He needed Alec, and Alec was hurt. Thankfully, that thought brought Logan some focus in order to react. "How far are you? I could come get…"

Sniffling, Max replied, "No. Stay, we're almost there, ten minutes maybe. I'm so sor…"

"_**Don't!**_ Just bring him home Max…" angrily Logan flipped the phone closed. The word _alive_ almost slipped out, but he refused to think the worst. He wanted to rip himself a new one, already feeling like he had failed Alec. Instead he pushed himself to focus on what needed to be done and inhaled, then slowly exhaled. Then, without delaying any further, he reopened his cell and scrolled down until Sam's number appeared and hit send. He was lucky when Sam picked up. Remembering to code his message, Logan started to ramble and effectively whine that he needed to see Sam, that the pain in his leg wasn't phantom pain, or a cramp.

Sam acted appropriately disgruntled and appeared reluctant in his response, but after a few moments agreed to come out and see Logan right away. As Logan hung up, he started pacing, thankful he remembered to disguise his message. Too many government agencies were tapping medical personnel, and though Sam wasn't dispensing or trafficking drugs, it was best to keep Sam's generosity and knowledge about helping transgenics off the record.

From their coded conversation Sam would leave immediately and be here relatively around the same time Max said she'd be here. _Why's_ screamed in Logan mind, _why_ was Max apologizing, _why_ was Alec hurt? _Why_ the fuck did does he have a collar on? And Alec didn't talk - that could only mean that he was unconscious. How badly was Alec hurt? Logan shuddered when he thought about it. Fear gripped Logan's heart as he started to envision the worse. As his pace increased with each worried step, he was nearly hyperventilating as he glanced at the time. The second hand slowly inched by, his heart sinking, knowing there was nothing else he could do but wait until Max arrived with Alec... Needing to hear it out loud, pushing himself to believe, Logan voiced to the empty room, "_unconscious but alive._"


	4. Chapter 4

Numb, Max tried to swallow past the growing lump in her throat as she listened to the dial tone. Her fingers fumbled as she flipped it closed. Then she shut her eyes as she tried to focus, ignoring the pain that clearly laced Logan's voice - the sudden abruptness as he cut her off.

Inhaling, then slowly exhaling, Max silently shifted Alec's weight and started to move. It didn't matter, she deserved whatever Logan dished out and whatever Alec did once he was… an inner voice whispered accusingly, _Is he, Max, is Alec going to be all right, or did you just kill him like you killed Ben?_ Her hands gripped Alec's body harder in denial, her shame cried out _No!_ even as she remembered the feeling of her fingers around Ben's neck, the loud crack. She felt the moment when Ben's life was gone, his head dropping limp, lifeless - by her hands. No! Max mentally screamed forcing the image away. Then started a mantra, the words slipping out to cut off the internal battle to berate herself. _You're going to be okay Alec; __**you have to be**__. Logan needs you…_ Then Max admitted, and acknowledged, a truth she hadn't known until now. Though the words were whispered, they were no less true than if she would have broadcasted them around the world: _I need you!_

The unvarnished truth gave her the strength. She used that momentum to heave Alec's weight forward. She'd fix this; she had to, grunting in ascent as she dragged Alec's body forward, home to Logan.

*~*~*~

Logan didn't think his fear could have increased ten-fold, but that was before Max's call - _collared_? He didn't want to think about or remember the conversation, but his heart sank as he replayed Max's words, _Can't, he's locked in a collar_… _I'm so sorry Logan, I…_ He had to cut her off because he knew, Logan knew Max was responsible. His gut twisted at the realization. Suddenly too many things bombarding him at once, things Logan had ignored; like the looks Max had cast Alec's way whenever she didn't think anyone was watching. The anger and jealousy was there, but Logan had dismissed it didn't want to see the potential. Had thought it was harmless, but having Alec wear a collar, that wasn't harmless.

Hearing the elevator, Logan rushed to the door, swinging it open.

Logan deflated when he saw Sam. Though he was grateful Sam was here ready to help Alec, Logan was anxious to have Alec here now. Logan was about to apologize, and moved aside to let Sam in, when they both heard a bang down the hall. Logan made the connection that Max had used the janitorial service elevator and rushed forward, Sam trailing behind him. As Logan turned the corner he halted when he saw Max dragging Alec's unconscious body.

Quickly moving to Max's other side, Logan immediately pulled Alec's arm over his shoulder. His arm wrapped around Alec's waist, gripping tight to relieve the majority of Alec's weight from Max.

Max didn't release her hold. Instead, together they worked to get Alec inside of Logan's apartment.

Sam held the door open as they passed through and told them to lay Alec down on the couch. Then he shut the door behind him.

Together they maneuvered Alec onto the couch. Shocked, nearly hovering, Logan took in Alec's appearance until he felt Sam's hand firmly on his shoulder, forcibly pulling him away.

"Logan, you have to back off, I need room to examine him."

Reluctantly, Logan pulled back. Physically aching, he left Alec's side, though his eyes never strayed from Alec's bruised face.

His eyes trailed the colorful damage decorating Alec's face: from lids swollen shut, down to the molted bruises of Alec's jaw, until Logan settled on the collar. The red light was blinking. From where he stood, he couldn't tell how long Alec had before the collar's latch would release.  
Through gritted teeth, Logan asked, "how long?" He didn't clarify the question, only his harsh tone gave any indication as to whom he was questioning. When he didn't receive a quick response, Logan turned and eyed Max, demanding, "how long?"

Logan almost wanted to laugh as he saw Max flinch in fear, shame? He couldn't say, and at the moment, he didn't care. He wanted to lash out in anger. Furious, his hands curled into fists.

Max's caught his movement, her eyes widened as she watched his hands clench into a fist. Frowning, Max nodded as if she understood, and then straightened, facing him head on. "Five, maybe six, hours ago, it was set for 48 hours."

Logan's mouth fell open, gapping in shock. He didn't understand, couldn't comprehend how or why Max was suddenly a stranger.

Max stood her ground holding his gaze.

What amazed Logan was she was openly letting him see her sorrow, her guilt. It was on the tip of his tongue to tell her to _go to hell_, but a moan irrupted behind him.

Immediately, Logan switched gears back to Alec. Turning, Logan hovered behind Sam. Hearing another groan, Logan tried to see Alec's face to see if he was awake, but Sam's body was blocking his view. This left Logan to stare at Alec's battered body.

Like Alec's face, his body was decorated in bruises.

Logan's breath hitched. It was difficult not to stare as Alec lay there exposed- shirtless, skin exposed showcasing the full extent of abuse he had suffered. His hand unclenched, aching to comfort Alec - another moan. Fearfully, Logan whispered, "Alec?"

Logan waited.

Alec didn't respond.

Sam stood and turned around.

Logan stopped breathing, fear sizing his emotions. His mind screamed, _NO!_

*~*~*~

Max swallowed, her own fear rising as Logan rigidly stood there expectantly, lost, his fear palpable. Internally her mind repetitively screamed, _no!_ fearing the worse. Though Max would have welcomed crawling up into a ball weeping, berating herself for her actions, she couldn't turn off her enhanced senses. She was acutely aware of when Sam reached out to grasp Logan's shoulder, calling his name; of Sam's voice rising as he tried to shake Logan out of his self-imposed shock.

Finally, Sam's voice filtered in as Logan eventually heard him. "Logan, Logan…he's alive. Alec's alive."

Max wanted to exhale, rejoice in that fact, but she felt a hesitant pull of something Sam wasn't saying.

She didn't have long to wait as she heard, "Logan, I need you to leave, to give us some privacy."

Silently, Logan shook his head, but Sam's hand gripped his arm, telling him, "I'm not asking." Then, more gently, he added, "I need to do a full exam."

Max was sure Logan didn't get what Sam hinted at, but she did. Her eyes moved toward Alec's bare feet and up his legs until Logan and Sam's bodies blocked her view.

Swallowing, she remembered the utter shock she felt when she saw Alec being bodily thrown out of the club. Immobile, she had watched from the shadows as he tried to get up enough to just pull his pants all the way up. She had watched him struggled to get up, then fall, nearly crawling toward her direction.

Lost in the memory, she barely heard Sam's order.

"Max, take Logan into the kitchen, and keep him there. I'll call you when I'm done."

Logan didn't seem to understand, he just stared at Sam trying to hold his ground.

Sam's hand patted Logan's arm, "He's going to be alright, he's alive. I'll be as gentle and quick as I can. Go with Max, okay?"

Logan shook his head defiantly, and brokenly spoke. _"Won't leave…"_

Logan's words reverberated back to her own as they ricocheted inside Max's head, the pain ripped at her heart.

Alec's cough broke their stalemate, as his hand gripped Sam's pants to get his attention. Sam spun around, as Alec whispered, "Logan?"

Though his voice was low, too low for Logan to hear, with her enhancements, Max clearly heard Sam as he bent down to talk to Alec. "I'll let him stay if you insist, but I have to do a thorough exam… if you were torn."  
Max didn't catch Alec's response, but whatever he said, or had silently mouthed, Sam agreed as he nodded and stood, moving to get out of Logan's way.

Logan didn't need to be prompted as he knelt at Alec's side. His hand lifted, then hovered as he was suddenly unsure if he could touch Alec anywhere without hurting him.

Alec took Logan's indecision away as he grasped Logan's hand within his own.

Max was unable to hear them, as Sam stood in front of her, his voice drowning out whatever Alec and Logan were saying.

"Max, hey you with me?"

Though she couldn't hear Alec and Logan, she had tuned Sam out, but he was demanding she listen to him now. Jerkily, she nodded.

"I'll need you to keep Logan in the kitchen until I'm done. Can you do that?"

She just stared at Sam. "He won't…"

"Make him. Right now, I'm more concerned about Alec than whatever Logan wants. Just put on your gloves and hold him down if you have to, okay?"

Slowly Max nodded, then pulled out her gloves and did as Sam ordered. Parched, she choked out, "is he…"

"Physically, he'll heal."

"If he needs any blood, I…"

Sam cut her off, shaking his head that it wasn't necessary. His hand lowered and encircled her arm, squeezing before he pulled away. Sam walked over to the bar by the sink, turning the water on. Opening his bag, he pulled out a pair of gloves, then soap, and started to thoroughly wash his hands.

Dazed, Max didn't move. Her eyes were riveted to Sam's movements. Max flushed, her hands hung limply at her side, encased in leather gloves. Her fingers flexed nervously as unwanted memories hit - of Manticore's training before she escaped, more specifically, of lectures and video demonstrations on sexual assault that supplied what kind of exam Sam was getting ready to do on Alec and why it was needed.

*~*~*~

Logan squeezed Alec's hand, words lodged in his throat. The bruises, cuts, and swelling were worse up close than it had been from a distance. His thumb caressed the back of Alec's hand. Then Logan hiccuped and sniffed when he saw Alec's attempt to reassure him.

It was obvious any movement was excruciating, still, Alec tried to smile.

Purposely, Logan overlooked the gross caricature of Alec's trademark grin. He understood what Alec was doing, and smiled for him, grateful that, through his pain, Alec was still Alec.

One eye was open a sliver, shifting as Alec watched his movements. Fingers squeezed Logan's hand. Alec's ruff voice broke through, "Crying make…" he coughed, clearing his dry throat, "makes you the girl."

His smile widened, and he laughed as he nodded. "Okay." His nose started to run. Sniffling again, Logan lifted his arm, wiping his nose across the sleeve. "Be the girl for you anytime."

Though swollen, Alec's lips twitched. "Don't forget that."

Under his hand, Logan felt Alec go still under his gaze. Then he sensed, more than saw, through the small slit that consisted of Alec's view. Logan knew, he felt, Alec's silently imploring that he listen. "What is it Alec?"

Cautiously, Alec's voice lowered in determination. "Don't tell everyone, but you, with you I can be the girl, lov bein… for yu" Alec's voice dropped, his words slurring, "Log…"

Gently, Logan leaned in and whispered, "Shhhh." Then he pulled back, calling out for Sam. Hearing a snap, Logan swiveled his head toward the direction he heard it and saw Sam standing by the sink.

Sam grabbed his bag and moved closer. "It's okay; I gave him a sedative, to help relax him."

As Sam moved, Logan's line of vision drifted down to Sam's free hand to see it was gloved.

Alec wanted him and squeezed his hand. Turning, Logan smiled as he replied, "did you hear that, Sam just gave you a little something to help you relax." Logan blinked against the blurred wetness to see Alec.

Alec's thumb caressed Logan's hand. "Need you to go, go with Max."

Inhaling, Logan couldn't answer and only shook his head in denial.

Alec huffed. "Have to, please! I don't want you to see. Please?"

Logan's chin trembled as he tried to shake his head again, but Alec's hand squeezed tighter, stopping him.

Alec declared. "My choice." Then Alec called Max. Alec's voice barely rose above a hairs breadth, but suddenly Max was right there. With obvious labor, Alec stated as he let go of Logan's hand, pushing him away, "Logan, go, be right here when Sam's done." Then Alec stared behind him, addressing Max, "you won't leave?"

Logan didn't hear Max's response, but whatever she said, or indicated, seemed to pacify Alec, as he nodded, reassured, and closed his eyes, before dismissing them with a "go."

Reluctantly, and because Max forcibly pulled him, Logan stood. Logan couldn't see as his vision was too blurred. Defeated, knowing Alec wasn't going to change his mind, Logan let Max guide him away from Alec's side. Moving toward the kitchen, they passed Sam.

He tried to reassure Logan by telling him that he'd call him as soon as he was done.

Logan nearly stumbled, but Max quickly adjusted and offered support moving him forward.

*~*~*~*

Once they reached the kitchen, Max guided and then pushed Logan to sit down. To distract herself, Max moved around the familiar kitchen, filling the kettle with water and placing it on the stove. Alec's question, the same question, _"You won't leave me?"_ vibrated in her mind. It was the same one he had asked when this whole thing started, what she started, what she should have stopped it. The same one she repeated and used as a mantra in order to get Alec here.

Opening a cabinet and reaching for the cups, Max's hand shook. In mid-stretch she stopped, clenched her fist tight, then uncurled her fist as she shook though the tremor. Single-minded, Max focused to finish the task and carefully placed two cups, two saucers on the counter. Ignoring the small tremors that quaked through her body, she already knew it was over nerves, not a lack of tryptophan. Grabbing spoons, scooting the canisters of sugar and teabags closer to the cups, everything was ready; she only had to wait for the water to boil.

Turning around, Max was startled to face Logan's heated glare. She wanted to turn around, escape his intense stare, his judgment, but she couldn't. Instead, she held her ground, not in defiance, but in shame - especially now, knowing what her actions had cost Alec. She was ready and braced herself for the scorn, to accept Logan's anger, his hatred even, she deserved it.

Instead his eyes softened, his face crumbling, as Logan choked out, "why?" The edge and depth of his pain reverberated with that one word.

Lost, she opened and closed her mouth, panicked when no answer came. Her reasons were petty and juvenile; she was jealous, envious over Logan, his time with Alec. Sadly, it wasn't because she was in love with Logan. The reality and clarity of it now, in hindsight, only added to her guilt. What could she say? How could she make it better?

The truth was, she couldn't.

Hunching back against the counter, she broke contact and averted her eyes -waiting.  
Max didn't have long to wait, and jumped when she heard, more than saw, Logan's fist slam against the table.

She heard the chair scrap as Logan stood. She looked up once she realized he was walking toward her, only stopping when he was in her face, leaving her nowhere to run.

Logan's voice was loud, unforgiving. "Look at me," he demanded as he stared her down.

Hesitantly, she did as he ordered. The heat of Logan's breath, his anger, washed over her face. Sacred by Logan's actions, Max pulled back further, hitting the knobs on the cabinets that jabbed into her back as she cowered flush against the counter.

He was careful not to touch skin to skin, but still his body hit aggressively against her, painfully shoving her back when there was no place to move.

Physically, it wasn't anything she couldn't handle; she knew that better than he did. But the fact was that it was Logan, that she had pushed him enough to willingly hit her in any form. Her mouth hung open in shock.

He didn't back down. "What you did, Max… You set Alec up. That collar, we both know it's not something you can just come by. You planned it - the whole thing…" It wasn't a question, but Logan's voice dropped a pinch, his disbelief still evident that she'd do that. That she'd betray them. Logan pulled back; shaking his head as he took several steps back. The anger was still there, the disbelief, but what came to the fore was pity - Logan pitied her.

Recognizing, that Max felt as if she had been sucker punched and slouched against the counter. She wanted to run, hide, crawl into herself. She must have given herself away because Logan's voice boomed loud, condemning, "You promised."

And she had, she had promised Alec, herself that she wouldn't leave. Jerkily, Max nodded, confirming that she'd keep her word and stay.

Max didn't think anything would be worse than Logan pitying her, but she was proved wrong when he sat down and looked directly at her, then through her, effectively dismissing her as if she wasn't there.

Behind her, the kettle whistled, demanding her attention. Slowly, Max turned around. She felt more broken than she had after she escaped Manticore, though it didn't matter. Nothing else mattered but her promise to Alec. This one she was determined to keep even if it killed her.

*~*~*~

Sam worked as quickly and efficiently to eliminate and relieve as much soreness as possible, pain that even the sedative couldn't mask.

Alec endured and didn't say a word only when Sam had asked a question. Thankfully, there was only minimal tearing.

After he cleaned Alec and gently applied ointment, Sam redressed Alec in his boxers, then covered his body with a blanket, encouraging him to sleep.

Even though he was rasping, Alec defiantly answered, "no!" Coughing, he then added, "not yet. Need Logan, Max."

"All right, you can talk to them briefly, but then I want you resting. That collar doesn't just make you weak; it's also blocking your usual healing process. It'll be longer, the pain…"

Alec interrupted by laughing, that quickly turned into a cough. "Nothing. I've had worse, trust me."

Physically, there was no physical evidence of prior abuse. Though, because Alec was an X5, Sam knew there wouldn't be, that Alec's body would have healed any trauma. From the way Alec handled himself during the exam: the way he moved preceding Sam's requests, the ease of his acceptance, the invasion of Sam's hands, the intimacy - Sam didn't need to feel faded scars to know the truth; it was Alec's responses that told him everything Sam needed to know.

Sam nodded, that he understood. "I still want you to rest." He waited for Alec to respond.

Alec looked up, questioningly, then nodded.

Pleased, Sam offered a smile. "Good. I'll go get you some water, and call them in."

*~*~*~

Abruptly, Logan stood when Sam entered, shoving the chair back as he did. "How is he?"

Sam nodded as he answered Logan. "He'll be all right. Be better and heal faster once the collar's off. I gave him a sedative, but he's fighting it. He wants to see you." Sam jerked his chin toward Logan, then turned as he also addressed Max, "and you."

Initially, Logan was taken aback to hear that Alec wanted to see Max. Then he didn't spare it any further thought as he rushed past Sam, making his way back to Alec; barely conscious that Max was following behind him.

Immediately, Logan dropped down on his knees in front of Alec. "Hey."

Alec was partially sitting up, his lips tilted to what Logan guessed was a smile as he returned a quiet, "hey."

Behind him he heard, Sam clearing his throat. "Here…" he spoke as he handed Logan a glass of cold water with a straw. "When you're done with your chit-chat, I suggest we move you into the bedroom so you can really rest."

Logan nodded as he took the glass. One arm went around Alec's back to offer support if he needed it as he held up the glass for Alec to sip. Quickly losing the battle to ignore empathic pains, Logan helplessly watched Alec's swollen lips purse around the straw, sucking in the cool water.

Emotionally drained and dehydrated, Logan swallowed against his dry throat, shakily stating, "Sam said you're going to be okay?"

Alec pulled away from the straw, his hand reached out and firmly gripped Logan's hand. "Always, okay."

Logan knew it was supposed to be cocky, Alec's way to reassure Logan, but it wasn't. He could see with his own eyes Alec wasn't okay.

Alec's squeezed his hand, emphasizing the point. His voice was more serious, "_with you_, I'm always okay."

Logan's eyes watered and he sniffled. He was determined not to cry, so instead, he laughed. It was more choked, coming out somewhere between a laugh and a cry, but Alec understood and smiled.

They didn't move, but stayed there until Logan realized Alec's eye had closed. It was obvious Alec was tired, he needed to sleep, to rest. Slowly, Logan shifted his intention to let Alec sleep.

Alec held his hand, his eye slowly opening before he said, "Max, need to talk to Max."

Logan didn't bother hiding his anger. "You don't have to, I know what happened. I know…"

Shaking the sleep away, Alec shook his head, "no! No you don't." Alec's eye darted behind him, then back. "Manticore, you don't, you'll never… It was my choice then and my choice now…"

Logan didn't know what to say, but seeing Alec's resolve Logan relented and he nodded in agreement, "Your choice." Though there was no way in hell was he leaving Alec alone, but Logan had agreed and pulled back just enough to shift to let Max in closer without losing contact with Alec.

Alec's hand squeezed his hand in approval, and then squeezed even harder as he used Logan as leverage to sit up some more.

Sam protested and cursed as Alec proceeded to sit up.

Though, in return, Alec addressed Sam's concern. "Almost done, then I'll rest, promise. Need to ask…"

Max was standing close. She wasn't close enough, not that he really wanted her anywhere near Alec, but he didn't want Alec to strain himself trying to talk to Max. Curtly, Logan ordered, "Max sit."

Alec didn't wait and turned to her, his voice just loud enough for Logan and Max to hear, but adequate to keep the volume down from Sam. "At Manticore, we did things in there, and even outside, that no one else would understand why." Alec paused, his gaze held steadily on Max.

From Logan's angle, he couldn't see Alec's expression when his eye was swollen shut. Logan could only judge by Alec's tone, his tenor tentative.

With each word, Alec treaded carefully as he continued to speak. "Out here, it's different. You kept your word, brought me back - am I a part of your unit? Do I have your back now?"

There was nothing to indicate Alec was holding his breath, but Logan felt the uncertainly, felt Alec crushing his fingers, waiting for Max's answer. They waited. He didn't hear anything, so Logan turned to see a Max he had never seen before.

Humble, tears running down her face, it was obvious she was choked up as she continually nodded, and eventually, squeaked out a "yes."

Logan didn't need to turn back to know that Alec smiled. He knew as Alec's hand eased, his thumb caressing over their laced fingers.

Feeling his stomach turn in turmoil, Logan offered, "okay, if you're done, we should move you into the bedroom."

"I can walk," Alec offered.

"No you can't." Not that he wanted her help, but Max was there and stronger than Sam. "Max?"

She nodded, then squatted as she took and lifted Alec's arm over her shoulder while she stood.

Logan had Alec's other side, and together, they easily walked him into the bedroom to lie down on the bed. Logan let go to pull the covers back as Alec sat on the edge and scooted in.

It was only from the couch to the bed, but Alec was already sweating over the exertion.

Sam knocked and popped his head in. "You're going to stay in bed and rest, now?"

Alec raised his fist giving a, thumbs up. "Scouts honor."

Sam rolled his eyes. "Yeah, well, as soon as you stop fighting the sedative, you'll find it easier to sleep - probably through the night. But, just in case, I left you another one and a couple of pain pills. That should be more than enough to get you through the night." Sam's face was solemn as he addressed both of them. "Also, if there's any excessive bleeding or anything darker than a light, rose color when you urinate, call me right away. I'll be by again first thing in the morning. You understand?"

They both nodded.

Pleased, Sam replied before he left the bedroom. "Good, I'll see you both in the morning."

At the bed of the bed, Max stood, visibly hesitant, waiting.

It was Alec who responded softly, "Better go; though let Sam have a look at your shoulder before he leaves. I'm gonna follow orders to sleep."

Max's lips pressed into a tight line and wobbled as she tried to get a hold of herself, the corners of her mouth lifting into a small smile.

"And Max, will I see you tomorrow?"

This time with less hesitation, Max nodded, and turned closing the door behind her as she left.

Logan hadn't known Max was hurt, and frankly, he didn't care; he was still too upset over her actions. Still, he helped Alec ease back, fluffed extra pillows so he could sleep. Then he climbed up on the other side of the bed, settling in to next to Alec, ready to play guard sentry. Logan's eyes drifted down toward the collar's blinking light. Logan stared as the light blinked over and over, he couldn't help it as his emotions flared with anger.

Alec turned and rolled toward him as he quietly demanded, "what?"

Logan shook his head, then looked back at Alec, the disbelief that Alec was going to let Max off the hook after everything she did, clearly showed on his face. "You're just gonna let her…"

Alec snapped. "Don't! If you need to, remember all the things I did."

Angry, Logan blurted out, "but it's not the same, it wasn't an order from Manticore, she had a choice…"

Audibly, Alec sighed. "I don't expect you to understand, but no she didn't." Alec paused. His hand caressed over Logan's face to make sure Logan was really paying attention - listening. "We left Manticore, but Manticore didn't leave us. We're not like you, Logan, most of us, _we want to be_, but we're not. We never will. Can you live with that?"

Manticore, it was still all about Manticore, and it would probably always be about Manticore. Alec was right, the question was could he live with it? He didn't have to seriously mull it over, as his mind screamed _yes, yes_! he could. Then he pulled Alec's hand up toward him, kissed the back of it, then let go, unlacing their fingers to turned it over to place another kiss on the inside of Alec's palm. Logan leaned into Alec, huskily whispering, "yes, as long as I have you. I love you, always!"

Alec reached out, his fingers gently danced over Logan's lips. "Good, because I love you too, won't live without you."

Logan clasped Alec's hand, their fingers intertwined as he declared. "Never going to happen. Now, shhh, you need to sleep, close your eyes. I'll be here, not going anywhere- ever." Logan watched as Alec obeyed and closed his eye. Then he lay facing Alec, listening to Alec's breaths taper as he drifted off to sleep.

FiN~


End file.
